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World's fastest lawn mower

Grass Clippings - Honda Racing Lawn MowerHaving already humbled our auto-builders, Honda recently set its sights on another cornerstone of American culture: the lawn mower.

Born from the hellfires of Honda UK in cooperation with Team Dynamics, the 130-mph Mean Mower has conquered the global speed-mowing circuit.

Before a nuclear blast gifted it supernatural abilities, Mean Mower began life as a standard Honda HF2620 riding mower and was probably already faster than a Daewoo.

However, the stock frame was far too puny to accommodate its newly supplanted 996-cc V-twin powerplant, courtesy of a Honda VTR Superhawk. So high-strength chassis and suspension systems were developed to prevent total vehicular implosion, because, in contrast to the HF2620’s 20-hp flyswatter, the new 109-hp engine manages 0-60 in a speed-boner-producing four seconds.

That’s supercar territory! And at a weight of only 309 pounds its power-to-weight ratio is an otherworldly value better suited for solar system exploration than lawn care.

But as with most pointless hobbies and non-sports, there are strictly enforced rules. And for world record eligibility a lawn mower must retain its God-given capability to mow lawns. So Honda’s technical maestros equipped their horticultural monstrosity with a bolt-on fiberglass cutting deck, allowing it to cut grass at a blistering 15 mph.

Aesthetically, the mower shines with a luxuriant, rap video-worthy candy apple paint job and features paddle-shifters like many of the high-end cars that are slower than it. The only downsides are an uncomfortable, racing-inspired seat and the high potential for death and death-related injuries. At least the medics will be swiftly alerted, since a custom-fabricated exhaust makes the mower louder than an NSX.

In its official test at the IDIADA straight in Tarragona, Spain, the Mean Mower averaged a speed of 116.57 mph and quite climactically captured the much-coveted title of world’s fastest mower from…itself.

Looks like we’ve got ourselves some future candidates for the next installment of The Worst Things That Ever Happened on a Riding Mower.

More from Daniel Dockery

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